Hello. Writing to you from a career crisis. 🙂 Familiar territory to me (and my loved ones, re: me).
Here’s the current confluence of factors:
My background is in content marketing, in tech startups
I recently hit a career crossroads at which I chose
1) individual contribution over management
2) writing over marketing, and eventually
3) to leave my job when my role changed from creating to directing
I’m on the job market now—first time officially as a 100% writer—amid mass tech layoffs and the rise of AI-centric copywriting (keep trying it, keep hating it)
I was applying, interviewing, reading about how ChatGPT is now spitting out whatever the hell, and it occurred to me: Maybe I should just hire myself. Maybe I should just Be A Writer and write with my human brain about human stuff for other humans. I got excited, thinking about how I’d finally create all the wellnessy personal development kinda content I’m always noodling on but don’t have capacity for.
I also got excited about my earning potential to be honest. Choosing copywriting over marketing leadership, especially at my experience level, means I’m taking an immediate and minimum $30K cut. And some of the jobs I’m most interested in, in wellness, would be a much bigger hit. I was consciously choosing underemployment in a sense. Blah.
But if I employ myself, I have more control over what I earn. And if I’m good, maybe I could get up to what I think I’m worth. 🤔🤑
Anyway this lasted like 24 hours and then, per usual, I started feeling so so stupid.
Why Me?
I’m not even that good of a writer. Also I’m not an expert on wellness or psychology or anything. Also I’m a cis straight white girl from a small town in the midwest. Also I’m a weirdo anxious introvert.
WHO AM I to write about life stuff, to give advice, to publish my thoughts? I have a narrow, naïve perspective. I’m not helpful. I’m actually a little stupid. I should just go away.
K But Why Not Me?
I married a person who apparently sees his deservingness in the world in the complete opposite way from me. Whereas I make mental “why me?” lists, he seems to look at things more like “why not me?”
The trips we’ve taken and experiences we’ve had together… I for sure would have reflexively opted myself out, had I been alone. I would have thought, who am I to just take myself to Japan for fun? Who am I to just casually get drinks at the newest hot spot? Who am I to show up at that meetup for “creatives?”🫠 There is a non-stop “that’s for other people” classification going on in my mind. Everyone is cooler and more worthy than me.
But how boring right? I mean truly, how boring of me to be constantly leaving myself out. And how boring of me to occasionally pop up online to share a thought only to immediately whine about how silly I feel, and then disappear for another several months.
It’s fucking boring. People are nice about my raging insecurity but also: no one cares. Like get over it girl!
So I’m trying to switch my mindset. I could be an independent creator. I could be a more public person. Why not me?
Not Going Away (at Least Not Today)
I look at all these writers and influencers and thought leaders whose work I admire and think, I’m glad they chose not to hide. I’m glad they’re out there sharing, connecting, helping. I’m glad they “chose themselves.”
Sooooo gonna try to choose myself. And maybe we’ll learn that I really should shut up, for the reasons above or something else. But there’s only one way to find out right? 😁 Here I go…